Thursday, May 7, 2009
fuga
zz.. tis morning i woke up feeling i've js been knocked over by a lorry..shd been the whisky i had ytd.my hair is in a mess and i feel so pek che i wanna kill some1.here i am having no life at home surfing new and donno wat i wanna do again.saw a tv ad bout the new orchard ion recuiting pp,then i went to a webbie and register.tat all..i dont have any mood to look for job tis 2 days.everything dont realli seems to go right.suddenly i feel wanting the past again...what shd i do today?maybe i shd go take a jog or wat..but the freaking sun so hot now.zzz..maybe tonite i will put on my running shoes and go run ard the block few rounds..been ages since i excercise.maybe i can run until damm shag and have a gd nite slp.5mths liao..in another week it will be 5mths without a job for me..horray .. =,=" wtf...
"i'm poor be happy" i wonder if i still believe my own words mah..maybe,maybe not.
i wanna go ktv and have wine.but tat damm long think he must be slping again.zzz.the rest busy or not interested.yawnz..FUCKING SIAN.
When is enuf ENUF?every1 got their own gauges huh..''in a quantity or degree that answers a purpose or satisfies a need or desire"
Sometimes i dont even know my own purpose,how to know others?the 1 thing i hate about myself is my own uncertainty.i wonder if i'll ever change that.currently i dont have much desires, needs prehapes there is.small to big, but even those aint realli nuthing.so i can only say i'm LOST now?
Am i a better person after the last 26 yrs of my life?i wonder...wat do u think?i tink i've changed..yes..but isit enuf?most prob not..it might be enuf for 1 but not for the other.Oh i dont know wat i'm saying anymore..js ranting and rantings..i dont even make sense to myself liao...
i feel a 2nd lorry hitting me in the face..yawnz...i promised to learn the guiter and get a bike license sometime in life in the past..both which i didnt realised..i feel like shit whenever i thought of those actualli..but i've put it in the past and dont wanna think bout them.coz wats past and past and there isnt the need and desire anymore..shall hate myself my not realising those promises..
Am i a romantic guy?wat do i think?i think i'm a pale version of my past..prehapes everything is crashing down on me these days..still i got to pick up myself of course..but scars will always be there..diff gals rate romance differently,how bout u?do u think its possible to go through a relationship with some1 else with zero romance?i think its unbearable for most pp..everything will become so dull and colorless.1 have to , no , 2 have to be active in tis aspect actualli..But i believe if 2 person likes or love each other, they'll be able to find romance in the smallest of situations..tats wat we see from grey-haired couples just from them holding hands walking togather down a road..
read the recent post on ++'s blog..its meaningful,showed me another side of a belief which i believe.Well..still it varies from case by case biase bah..but it do teach 1 why mourning aint realli tat bad too..it lets u get back some of the old self which u lost during the time where u put everything aside for a relationship.But still scars will always be there, but then again it makes us all a better person..
i wonder for evey r/s u throw yr oldself then pick up again..tis process there gonna be some limits for people..a limit when 1 just grows tired of picking up the old self and forgets everything and prehapes be a totally new person..i think tat will be a nice alternative too...
Oh crap my ear got something on i tink..the day we came down from genting my ear hurt the whole way down..till now my ears at times still have some weird "block-unblock" feeling.
Alright i donno wat i've been writing the past 15mins time...better stop if not u all are gonna read m ore rubbish..so long..till nxt time...
luvYellow;2:17 PM
